saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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