i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
