I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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