my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
