I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
