So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
