wrigley field is MILF paradise
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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