We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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