About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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