remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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