So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
