she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
