I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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