You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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