My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
