It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
