Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
