So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
love makes seman taste better
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
