Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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