no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
