5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
