I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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