Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
