Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
