i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
