worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
