I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
