we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
