We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
