now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Its about making memories worth repressing
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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