We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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