we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
