Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
