I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
