Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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