pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
