Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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