I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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