He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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