Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
