so that wasnt chicken after all
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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