I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
