her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
