Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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