just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
