all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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