She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
