We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
