i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We're too hungover to prance.
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