3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
